Monthly Archives: September 2013

It’s clear that this trip my ideal holiday romance fantasy didn’t occur, but looking back on the time seeming my trip is coming to an end, it is clear what sort of boy has tickled my fancy.

The winner: The Irish. I don’t know if it’s their curly hair aka Bilbo Baggins, or their humour aka prague pub crawl guy, or just cause their a friend. But certainly it is the accent except for my friend he only gets to be Irish because his family is from Ireland. But you get talking to me in that Irish accent and bam I’m putty in their hands, plus I’ll probably make fun of them and make them say potatoes or call them Bilbo Baggins or say that they are leprechauns. But my time with the Irish have been fun times. Bilbo Baggins because he was my pub tour guide person, I feel that’s a bit of an achievement, my regret is not going home with him but that was probably a wise choice any way.

My friend, it was just a drunken hook up and snuggle at mine and my travel buddys house party. Just a bit of fun.Like I said he only gets counted by default because of heritage.

Pub crawl guy in Prague was chivalrous and offered me a seat, I declined, then found out he was irish and started making fun of his accent, and talking about leprechauns. We hooked up at the next bar after I made fun of him again for drinking a vodka raspberry.  Why would a guy drink a vodka raspberry, I do not know, but in my rule book that is only for private time or if out in public you disguise it with coke and drink a manly spirit like whisky something I wouldnt like but you could score extra points on the machoness.


Spot number 2 was the English, the ones who  bought me down with truthfullness and fucking over but oh well.


Anyway when I get home, my mission will be to find an irishman who can swoon me with his accent or at least I can only dream right?



What do the first two things have in common???? Yes that’s right, Amsterdam. The town of sex, marijuana and fun times.

We arrived in Amsterdam after a visit to a classic clog and cheese factory. Turns out clogs aren’t my thing, but cheese is, its just a shame that I don’t have any room in my backpack to take some cheese home with me.

Arriving in Amsterdam, we were staying in what is actually advertised as the Worst Hostel- Hans Brinker. Yes it seemed that we were all squished in our dorms and the shower wasn’t even a shower but they had a nice happy hour of 2 for 1 on anything. Who can complain with that? After a quick walking tour, we were told to go off and find dinner and then be prepared for the sex show in the red light district.

We found dinner but lets be honest, I didn’t really want dinner. What I wanted to do was find what Amsterdam is famous for. A Coffee Shop. Now I have only dabbled in pot smoking, if anyone asked me where to buy it, I would have no idea, or how to roll a joint. So the safest option I thought was to indulge in a Space Cake. You walk into the coffee shop and are presented with 2 menus, one showing legit food and drink and the other menu, the type of pot you want. So I bought a space cake, we got told to go half and wait an hour before it hits. We split the cake into halves and eat our cake and wait. If our timing was correct, the giggles should hit us in the middle of the sex show. So off we go to the sex show with the top deck group.

The Sex Show was in the middle of the red light district, it was interesting seeing the working girls just sitting in their window waiting for business. We get into the show and were granted prime seating but I was also surprised that people went to these shows because they actually enjoy it and take it quite seriously. I was going in open minded all for a bit of fun, unsure of what to expect, but I was happy I was sitting behind the bar, far away from the stage. The first act came on, a stripper lady dancing away, then boom, she sticks a candle up her hoo ha, and lights it on fire. It was crazy and I and my friend were a bit like WTF???? Next act on comes an army stripper. She dances and strips. By this time I was seeing a lot of boobs and naked bodies. She then grabs one of the boys from our top deck group, puts him on the floor, this time instead of a candle, she puts a pen up there and writes all over this guys body. I’m sure the guy loved it, who can say that they had a stripper write on them. The next actt involved another stripper, this time grabbing the asian guy from our group. Now this asian guy, it was clear he was a virgin and had never touched a woman before yet probably seen them naked. He was surprised when she told him to take off her panties. Then she went and tied him up with string coming from her hoo ha. There was a lot of string. The fourth act was a couple act and was probably the most awkward too watch. It was clear she wasn’t enjoying it. Blow jobs by the girl was given to the guy, then she rode him and then there was anal.  To me anal is a no no and it was clear she wasnt enjoying it and it just seemed to go on forever. The last act was probably the most funniest but also awkward. A. it was funny because my travel buddy got pulled on stage. Yes, she was on the stripper stage. But not only her, another girl, guy and the asian guy. My travel buddy was all like Im out of her, when the stripper was pointing to the stripper pole, then she made her dance with her and when she placed her hands on her boobs my friend was like im out of here and went off stage. For the rest of the night I teased her that she touched a strippers boobs- just a tad immature. The rest of the act went ahead and the stripper pulled out a banana. She placed a piece of banana on her boob and made the other girl eat it. For the boys, the first boy ate the banana just off her stomach, our lovely asian boy ate the banana, from you probably guessed it already but her hoo ha. And that concluded the sex show. It would be something I wont be doing again I reckon but what was also dodgy was that we must have had a dodgy space cake because we were feeling no effect.

So my travel buddy and I went in search of another coffee shop, but this time to buy a joint. We found one and looked like idiots as we decided which one to buy, I thought I was tough and that we should have one each. Wrong decision, we are quite weak or responsible and we shared the joint, but we knew our limits and didn’t even finish the joint. My high would come in waves, there were giggles, I would feel normal, then everything would be in slow motion. My friend had the giggles but she didn’t enjoy it as much as I reckon I did. Well thats the end of our first night in Amsterdam and dabbling in marijuana smoking, which is something I don’t condone on a regular basis.

The next day was a rainy day in Amsterdam but my best friend and travel buddy’s 21st. We did a bicycle tour of Amsterdam in the rain with our guide singing happy birthday to her, and then went and had a morning hot chocolate with baileys because the drinking had to begin, but followed by a nap. We then went to the bar for more drinks and made our way to dinner which was a floating Chinese restaurant. Before that of course we had a mojito on a floating bar. The chinese was alright, the hostess thinking my friend was turning 18 not 21  gave her an elephant candle. It was nice. Our night was starting with a canal cruise and unlimited beer and wine which was used to a good extent. Though this time for once I wasn’t abusing it, I was getting a cold and actually feeling quite dreadful but I had to be there for my friend and be the one to pour drinks down her throat. After the canal cruise we went to a bar where there was a live gig, they sang another happy birthday, jaeger bombs were drunken and then we lost the top deck group, turns out they went to a club and forgot about us. We found the club but it was pretty packed and shitty so we bailed, had some mojitos at another bar and went off to another bar. A bar where our top deck group was at. We had found them again, this bar was cool, plus we got free shots for my friends birthday, and the music was alright to dance too. It was a nice last night with top deck and for my friends birthday. How many people can say that they celebrated their 21st in Amsterdam?

the next day in hungoverness we said goodbye to top deck and our friends, and crawled back into bed to plan the next adventures